We cannot really predict the future, nonetheless, here are seven of the things that I wished I knew before I became a dad.
Fatherhood is one chapter in my life that I looked forward to with much eagerness. As such, I prepared for it as much as I can by asking my friends and colleagues for tips and recommendations about pretty much anything parenting-related.
7 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Became A Dad
Parenting is dynamic
When I finally became a father, it was a completely life-changing experience that had made me brimming with happiness. However, I also realized that nothing can really prepare me for fatherhood (or parenthood, for that matter) despite all the groundwork or your supposed readiness for it.
That's because parenting is dynamic. Things change in a snap so even if you equip yourself with all the technical skills and knowledge, you should also learn to adapt and be resilient. More importantly, you will also have to rely on your instinct. Fatherhood, indeed, is a journey full of surprises.
Realizations in fatherhood
While I acknowledge that parenting is dynamic, there are realizations along the way that I still wish I prepared myself more.
Maybe because I was too idealistic at the onset. You see,
even before Khris and I were planning on having children, I already had a
clear picture in my head of what I want to be or how I should be as a
father.
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| Photo by Josh Willink from Pexels |
Like any well-meaning parent who is full of dreams for his children, I had an endless list of things that I want for my children but these are bound to take different turns.
At times, we may even get the exact opposite of the things that we envision to be. Our ideals will change; some may shock us but, in the end, the readiness and willingness to accept is the key.
Anyway, allow me to please share with you the things that I realized when I finally became a dad:
1. Your child will not always turn out as you'd expect them to
Your child is like a present wrapped in the packaging of several layers. Days
with your child are filled with moments of discovery as he unravels his
personality, his character, his interests, and his dislikes.
We all wish the best for our children but we cannot really predict how they will turn out to be. Some factors are beyond our control, no matter how society dictates it. For example, other parents will tell you that your children should be talking at a certain age.
However, your child may not be displaying that particular milestone expected of his age. You might feel pressured but don’t blame yourself or your child for it.
My firstborn has Global Developmental Delay and I would admit that I initially blamed myself for it. Did I not talk to him enough? Did I not play with him?
Read to him? Eventually, when we sought medical help, it opened our eyes to the truths surrounding that particular condition. We stopped blaming ourselves in the process.
So, seek help or intervention – professional, medical, therapy – when necessary but just let things happen. They will eventually fall into place.
All the same, this is just one aspect of your child’s development. Many things are bound to happen in the future. Again, readiness and acceptance are the keys.
2. Things will not always go as planned
This brings me to my second realization; things will not go as planned. Even
before our babies were born, we start making plans for their future – what age
we will enroll them in school, the special skills or talents that we want to
hone for them, even the toys that we want to buy for them.
But all of those
things will change or adjust based on how our child will grow or become.
3. Your child is a person completely different from you
Oftentimes, we expect too much of our children without even realizing that they are a person completely different from us. They may exhibit some personality or character that is similar to ours but that’s just about it.
They have their
own wants and desires so it’s not wise to impose or to want from them what we want for ourselves. Do not force them to be like you.
4. You will get disappointed
Yes, you will get disappointed a lot, especially when things do not go our way. It’s a natural reaction and can actually be healthy because it means that there is a yearning in us to pursue our goals. However, we should also know or learn when to let go.
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| Photo by Anna Shvets from Pexels |
As they say, choose your battles. So, allow yourself to
be disappointed but also learn to refocus your energy when the situation calls
for it.
5. It’s ok to lose your cool
Before I became a father, I had this picture of myself as the ideal dad who can keep his cool. Well, it’s not true, not for me or for anyone else. I
once tried hard not to lose it with my son but I felt that it’s not healthy. I
don’t go about getting all berserk and wild but I acknowledge my feelings.
I turn away or distract myself by writing, reading a book, or watching video clips on YouTube. We are all human, after all, and we have emotions. We get tired mentally and physically so we are not always in tiptop condition. Our patience will be tested by our children but we have to try to deal with it well.
6. Be ready to put your own dreams in the backseat
Fatherhood is a matter of prioritization and I choose to focus on my family.
As such, I had to put my personal dreams of being a full-time blogger in the backseat for now. I had to turn down several travel opportunities in the past because I wanted to dedicate my weekends to my family.
I had to forego
attending events before because my wife was pregnant and I cannot risk being
not by her side when something untoward happened.
On the other hand, that does not mean that I am letting go of my dreams. This blog, for example, has changed its focus because my interests have also evolved. I realized just recently that it has already become a parenting blog and that I am enjoying writing articles revolving around that topic. Anyway, I
am a believer that if one door closes, another one will open.
7. It’s perfectly fine to rest
Yes, it’s okay to rest. How else can you recover your strength if you will not rest? I had a different mindset though before I became a dad. I thought rest was a waste of time and, by doing so, I was being a bad parent. That was not true at all. My wife and I get tired so we take time to rest from time to time. A trip to the mall perhaps? Or cooking something good at home? Those are things that re-energize us.
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| Photo courtesy of pexels.com |
Again, acknowledge that you are not superhuman and that you cannot do it all.
Rest if you must so that you will have the energy for all the physically and
mentally-demanding tasks related to parenthood.
Epilogue
Those are the seven things that I wish I knew before becoming a father. Don’t get me wrong, I completely enjoy every aspect of fatherhood. My family is of the utmost importance to me. It’s just that some things shocked me or caused a lot of concern but that’s just about it.
Come to think about it, we cannot really predict what will happen in the
future but we can prepare ourselves for the many realities that we will face.
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Oh, as a parent I so relate to this. When my son is little, couldn't just go with plans for myself. It houle wait and make him the first priority.
ReplyDeleteThese a key lessons for Mothers as well. Children do have their own personalities and they don't turn out as you expect. It is important to give them the space to be who they want to be.
ReplyDeleteI have never being a parent before so I can only imagine. I think the best way to prepare is to understand that parenting won't always go as planned and to be ready for the many lessons that will come with it cause as you said— parenting is dynamic. Nice read.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to prepare for becoming a parent. You simply can't know everything although being aware of things can help. They are all unique which can be fun.
ReplyDeleteVery informative and true. I've often seen moms blogging on parenting, but I'm glad to learn from a dad as well! Lovely blog!!
ReplyDeletegreat post and very important words. You did great sharing this with us. I am sure you are a great Dad
ReplyDeleteI love that you are so introspective and reflective about your fatherhood journey, which is forever! Thank you for sharing and uplifting yourself.
ReplyDeleteI love how you said it. Your child is a person completely different from you. This is the number 1 thing that all parents need to realize. I have always believed that if we accept this truth then we can avoid disappointments and there would a lot of room for your child to grow and bloom.
ReplyDeleteThis is so much love Experience being a dad.. For Me Daddy this is so Much Helpful po tlga, and really super Love it.. sobrang nkkaInspire ..
ReplyDeleteThank you po. :)
ReplyDeleteagree. totoo lahat ng nasa lists nyo po
ReplyDeleteWelcome po 😊
ReplyDeleteBiggest lesson for me was trying not to predict the unpredictable. Some things just happen and it‘s best to just go with the flow in these situations.
ReplyDeleteThis is so sweet. And so very true for moms as well. Parenting is an adventure!
ReplyDeleteJust like being a mom, we never truly know what to expect with raising kids. This was good to read.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a mom yet, but from what I've heard the points you've mentioned here are very true about parenting. Let's just be good parents. :)
ReplyDeleteI love how down to earth and realistic these realizations are, very genuine! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAll very good points! It took me a long time to realize that it was okay if I actually took some time and got some rest.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! That means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteYes, resting helps a lot because it restores our energy.
ReplyDeleteNumber 2 and #6 resonate with me in particular. Things often don't even go anywhere close to planned :-D And #6 - well I had four kids in five years, so yeah... in the backseat... or rather the trunk!!! Interesting read, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteWhat an amazing read! This really touched my heart, to hear it from a father, who deals with parenthood in the same ways that we do as moms. I'm sure you're a great parent!
ReplyDeleteThank you also for the kind words!
ReplyDeleteIndeed it is. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteI am not a parent yet but having plans for it future I find you post very needed and educational
ReplyDeleteVery true. Let's not stress ourselves out with things that are beyond our control.
ReplyDeleteThey do say that parenthood can change a person. I am not a mother, and so I cannot relate with this yet. And it's refreshing to hear the POVs of a dad.
ReplyDelete#3 is so important for parents to remember!
ReplyDeleteA great list of things for parents to remember when it comes to parenting our kids.
ReplyDeleteThis is a really nice read. I agree with you that parents should eep in mind that our children is a person completely different from us. They don't have to follow our footsteps and they are free to make their own choices.
ReplyDeleteAll of these are great to remember. I think some of them come as a shock when you're a parent.
ReplyDeleteParenthood definitely changes us. And it is such a learning experience. I know I have learned a lot since becoming a mom.
ReplyDeleteLoved this post; and yes, parenthood does teach us so many things that surprise (and delight) us.
ReplyDelete