Nonverbal communication comes in many forms, and that includes speaking from the heart, which transcends spoken words.
In the last three years, one of the most important lessons that I learned
is that communication comes in many unconventional forms. While verbal
communication is of utmost value, my little boy Miguel taught me that
communicating from the heart is a more profound means of speaking to another
person. That’s because Miguel is a nonverbal autistic child but that doesn’t
mean that Miguel is not expressive. He has touched our lives in many ways
and he has taught us a lot of lessons countless times.
UNMASKED: Speaking From The Heart
Finding Miguel’s Voice
You see, right at the onset of the pandemic, Miguel was diagnosed with Global
Developmental Delay (which means a delay in more than one developmental
milestone, including speech delay), which was eventually verified by the
doctor to be caused by his autism.
Since then, it has always been our family’s quest to teach and encourage
Miguel to talk, as well as, gain independence in activities of daily living.
In a sense, it’s a journey toward finding Miguel’s voice. Then again, the
situation during the height of the lockdowns was not in our favor because of
Miguel’s on-and-off sessions in therapy.
It’s a good thing that after months of persisting, just very recently, we were
finally able to secure a slot for him in a speech therapy class. We are aware
that nothing is definite in the future but this gave us hope that Miguel will
be able to speak after all. It’s a long way to go but it’s a good start; the
effort to try often leads to opportunities. There may not necessarily be
magnificent things waiting for us in the end but we are sure that our desire
to move forward is already success in itself.
So, if you ask me if there’s an interview that I dream of doing, it’s with
Miguel. I don’t really imagine it to be anything grand; a simple
father-and-son conversation would already mean the world to me. With our
situation though – the delays in therapy and all – I know that that interview
will have to wait for a few more years.
As a matter of fact, I’m not even certain if it will ever happen — at least in
the conventional sense. Just the same, I know that we will be able to have
that conversation someday. For now, I’m content that we are able to make a
connection with Miguel through wordless communication.
Wordless but not meaningless
I believe that for many people, the idea of wordless communication remains an
abstract concept. I previously shared that same view with most people, that is
until I became a special needs dad.
Miguel came into our lives; he taught us that communication goes beyond
conventional words or languages. While I do talk to Miguel all the time (like
asking him how his school went, what he would like to eat, and so on), his
responses would come in different forms like sounds, gestures, a simple touch,
and a bright smile. It might come as a surprise to some folks that our way of
communicating is actually quite diverse (and I would say creative).
Whenever he wanted a toy or food, he would tug at my hand and lead me to that
item. I remember one time when we couldn’t seem to understand each other; he
looked at me with big, round eyes and a meaningful gaze. He then flashed a
smile and proceeded to laugh a big, hearty laugh. Right there and then, I
understood that everything was all right and I need not worry that I couldn’t
understand what he was trying to tell me.
If he wasn’t feeling well, Miguel’s way of telling me that was a big hug and a
gesture for me to carry him. He would cry at times but when he felt soothed
while I carried him, I would feel his body relax and be at ease.
In all of those moments, I could feel that our bond as father and son would
become stronger. We didn’t need to talk (again, in the conventional sense) but
we would often connect with each other even in the absence of words from
Miguel.
Yes, the flow of words in our daily chats at home may be one-way but that
doesn’t mean our conversations are meaningless. In truth, I’d go as far as
saying that our conversations are filled with colors and meaning. It’s also
true that we are teaching Miguel to live independently but we’ve realized that
we are also learning a lot from him.
Being a special needs parent is no walk in the park – we lose our patience a
lot, we lose sleep on many nights, and it can be financially, mentally, and
emotionally draining. Just the same, taking care of a special needs child is
really fulfilling. We learned to appreciate and celebrate our small wins; baby
steps may be small but they are still forward movements. We always tell
ourselves that no matter how slow, we will eventually get to our destination.
Kindness transcends words
Whenever I read stories and social media posts about autism, especially about
nonverbal autistics, the message that always stands out is that autistic
individuals may not understand the words we say at all times but they sure can
feel kindness. They know when a person is treating them kindly and they
respond positively to that. They feel another person’s good heart. If you ever
get the opportunity to be with an autistic child, you can observe that they
will easily warm up to you if you talk to them gently and treat them with
sincerity.
The same is true at home. Miguel would feel the tension if we were stressed at
home. Likewise, he would cry if he heard us yelling, especially if we sounded
angry. On the other hand, Miguel would always have a sunny disposition
whenever we were all cheery at home.
As parents, we are in a privileged position to mold our children to be kind
individuals. We should teach our children to treat each other with respect and
kindness, especially those who are not typical in terms of abilities. This is
a personal advocacy that I strongly push. I want other people to treat Miguel
with compassion, and the best way to begin that is at home by teaching his
little brother to treat his Kuya Miguel, as well as, other children kindly.
We, his family, will be Miguel’s voice
As a parent, it breaks my heart to see that Miguel is still unable to speak at
the age of five. If I can give my voice to him, I will gladly do it. Alas,
that is asking for a phenomenon to happen. Nevertheless, we will always be
here for him.
We will continue to support him in this quest to find his voice. In the
meantime, we will continue to be his voice for as long as he needs us to be.
Likewise, we will keep on pushing for inclusiveness for special needs
individuals in our society.
We will continue to contribute, even in our little way, in our advocacy
to inform other Filipinos about what autism is. We believe that if other
people understood neurodiverse individuals, they would know how to deal with
them in many situations. In the end, we will be Miguel’s voice in telling our
fellow individuals to treat each other kindly.
***
I'm happy and proud to share that this story won 11th place in this season's Write To Ignite Blogging Project.
***
This story is an entry to COMCO Mundo’s “UNMASKED: The COMCO Mundo Write to
Ignite Season 3”. The initiative aims to pull and collate powerful stories
from the Philippine blogging communities. “UNMASKED” aims to explore how
each mask is a person brimming with hope and wonders to share with others,
as well as why it is important to tell their inspiring journeys in life. The
“Write to Ignite” Season 3 is made possible by COMCO Mundo League of
Enterprises, with airasia, Babyflo, PHILUSA Corporation, Century Tuna,
Licealiz, Lamoiyan Corporation, Rémy Martin, and Uratex Monoblock as brand
partners.
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Miguel will do very well with such loving parents. I think not being able to speak could spur him to excel in many areas.
ReplyDeleteIt's true we all communicate regardless of if we use words. Miguel is blessed to have a family that will be his voice and is advocating for him.
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm new to your blog, so I wasn't aware of this heartwarming facet. :) My son was also delayed regarding speech, mostly because he hears 4 languages as a child. Nevertheless, it was not a hindrance as he communicated well later on. I know, this is uncalled for, but removing sugar (in all forms - carbs, fructose) will help improve things. Miguel is surely loved, that matters a lot to him.
ReplyDeleteYour story is touching. I know some kids cannot talk till 3 years old but they grow well and at some aspects, they are even better than normal.
ReplyDeleteRhea
ReplyDeleteThis post resonates us on a personal level, offering insights into the unique experience of being a special needs parent. It celebrates the small victories, such as securing a slot in speech therapy, while emphasizing the importance of persistence and the hope for further progress. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteMiguel is truly blessed, this is such a really touching story. Thanks for sharing this with us
ReplyDeleteYour son will do great and you will get your wish one day. My daughter was born deaf and got cochlear implants when she was 4. She was able to learn how to talk with tons of speech therapy. I’ve heard sign language is great for non verbal autistic kids.
ReplyDelete