Please Don’t Make Me Feel That I’m A Bad Parent

May 12, 2022

It's time that we stop the toxic Filipino practice of judging other parents just because their parenting style is different from ours.

One of the things that make me sad is how I’m sometimes made to feel that I’m a bad parent. Sure, I’m not perfect. I do admit that I have my shortcomings at times and there are also moments that I do feel out of focus when it comes to parenting.

Picture of a happy family
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Please Don’t Make Me Feel That I’m A Bad Parent

At the end of the day though, I know that I give my best and I do try to improve myself. Hey, nobody’s perfect anyway. Nevertheless, I don’t know what it is about (toxic) Filipino culture that always puts the blame on parents when their children are having a meltdown or a surge of emotions.

Why is it that when someone sees a child crying, it’s immediately the parent who gets the brunt for being a selfish parent?

“Why is your child crying; what did you do to him?”

“You’re not taking care of your child well.”

“Why don’t you pay attention to your child?”

“You should already know what your child needs.”

“Why did you do that when you know that your son will already react that way?”

These are just some of the things that we have to endure as parents. But I’m just human, too. I have emotions, I have my own fears, and I get lonely at times when things become too overwhelming for me.

Then again,

I need to rest.

I need to eat.

I need to regain my mental strength.

I need to take care of myself, too.

Not that I’m being defensive, but just to let those people know, I put my child’s welfare first beyond all of my own personal struggles. I feed them when they are hungry, I put them to sleep when they are tired, I try my best to do their activities first even if I’m just an hour away from an important meeting, and I play with them because that’s what makes them happy above anything else.

Taking care of two toddlers is not a walk in the park. They can be demanding and there are moments that just feel like they are manipulating us or the people around us to get what they want. 

I think these are critical moments that need to be addressed immediately lest these become the precedent for their subsequent behavior. In short, those instances call for disciplining and explaining to them that it’s not the proper way to behave.

I know that I could just ignore other people but there are really instances that ignoring them is not an option because they are, say, your relatives or friends. What makes it even worse is that you’re expecting these people to understand you only to be disappointed that they are the ones who judge you first.

In the end, though, we just have to take comfort that we’re not doing anything wrong to our kids and that we are trying our best to be the best parents for them.

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  1. I think if you're raising kids...and they are usually happy, you're doing a great job. Nobody knows the exact situation anyone is in, so judgement should never happen. With today's world, I tip my hat at those that are still parenting with love and time. Other's opinions don't matter, but time spent with family always will. :)

  2. This is so spot on. When I see a crying child, I feel for the parent as I know what it is like.

  3. This is such a wonderful post. Raising kids can be hard no matter what. As long as everyone is happy, that's all that matters. I try not to let what others thing get in the way.

  4. I shared this article with my DiL, she's half Filipino, and she said that there was so much that was relatable if not for her personally then for something her mother had said to her sister, word for word!
    Personally, I have to agree with Jamie- if your children are mostly happy you're doing a great job! You're also right in stating that parents need to remember to take care of themselves too and yes, the stigma that that's selfish needs to go!

  5. Richelle Milar11 June 2022 at 01:13

    Seeing your kids happy? That is what matters the most! This is such a really wonderful post! Thanks for sharing this with us!

  6. Rose Ann Sales11 June 2022 at 02:38

    What a really great post, as a parent we also need to take care of ourselves. Seeing our kids smile is just like our stress reliever.

  7. Oh this is spot on and I can relate so much on this post! There is so much pressure from the outside and it is toxic that has to stop.

  8. I've learned that no matter what anyone says about me being a parent they can't judge me nor advise me on anything when it comes to parenting. No parent is perfect and as long as you know you are doing the best you can with your children, and they are happy...that's all that matters!! There is no book on parenting and even if there were...we still wouldn't be perfect parents.

  9. Unfortunately people are always ready to judge our parenting styles. In many cases we need to learn to ignore them and get on with our lives.

  10. Such a great post, it definitely will open the mind of others about this kind of stuff. Every family has it's own unique way of handling things inside the house. We must respect and just don't compare one with the other.

  11. Raising kids is not a easy tasked. there are some many things a dad had to learn over the years, this post is right on. thanks for sharing it.

  12. I love this and no parent is perfect... most of us learn as we go :) I used to stress about this but it is wasted energy... love them and care for them and teach them along the way and you are good to go ;)

  13. Parenting can be difficult but we always try our best to be the best parents that we can be. Just ignore them. :) -LYNNDEE

  14. I understand how do you feel and what are you talking about. I think it's common for any mom.